Monday, March 30, 2009

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Sunday Song

About a year ago, before heading out on tour to promote their new album, The Kooks released a cover version of Peter, Bjorn and John's "Young Folks" as a free download... A cover the Gnarls Barkley song "Crazy" was put out as well. The album's title "Konk" is from the name of the studio (owned by The Kinks) where it was recorded. These songs, however, are not available on the album.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Jumping the Shark

Irony alert. has itself, jumped the shark. What was once a very in-depth interactive database of when TV shows jumped the shark, is now no more. It has been reduced to an entertainment blog on TV Guide's web site.

In it's place has arisen a new site, It's a nonsense term that has no meaning or any origins in an unfortunate television moment, like the Fonz jumping a shark. This site covers TV, celebrities, music, etc... The name bothers me, and surely won't catch on in the puplic lexicon. Bonefish Grill, however, is delicious.

Another term, and the movie equivalent to television's "Jumping the Shark" is "Nuke the Fridge" ...This is taken from the latest - and horrible - Indiana Jones movie, when our hero is saved from a nuclear blast by ducking into a refrigerator. (and subsequently tossed a couple miles. Of course that name was snagged up... is also an entertainment blog. A pretty decent blog, they occasionally use the term within movie reviews.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Famous Sketches Retold By Famous Directors

New Marlins Ballpark

If the SkyDome (sorry, Rogers Centre) and the new Cowboys Stadium had a baby, and shipped it off to Florida, you'd have the new Marlins ballpark.

It was finally approved this past Monday after years and years of trying. As a Dolphins fan, I want to like the Marlins... but they've done things that I hate. Hate! Grrr!

Thursday, March 26, 2009

States That Never Happened: Puerto Rico

Puerto Rico's really close to being a state. They're already U.S. citizens. Barack Obama is their president. The have a guy in Washington (OK, one guy who can't vote). They do pay some taxes. It's a commonwealth like Virginia. It's islandy, like Hawaii. They have almost as many Hispanic folks as Los Angeles. They really love baseball. They even have their own state quarter. Psst... It's being released THIS Monday!

They really don't want to be a state though. Some groups really want statehood, but just as many want independence. The pro-independence guys don't mess around either - two of them tied to kill President Truman in 1950! Referendums come and go, but they always narrowly fail. The motto of Puerto Rico is "Why Buy The Cow When You Can Get The Milk For Free?" ...Actually the real motto is "His name is John" ...which is more of a mysterious clue than it is a motto.

If Puerto Rico (Spanish for "Rich Port") was a state it would be ranked 27th in population. (Sorry Oregon, you'd get bumped down a notch.) The capital, San Juan, would be the 42nd largest U.S. city. (...sorry Omaha) And they could surely land a Major League Baseball team. They really love baseball.

Interesting fact. San Juan was called originally called Puerto Rico, and the entire island was called San Juan. The names were accidentally switched later. Oops! Of course I can't back that up. Thanks, Wikipedia.

The U.S. acquired the island after the Spanish-American War in 1898, and today the Navy bombs the crap out of the Puerto Rican island of Vieques. They really hate that. But we have to put up with Joaquin Phoenix.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Album Covers 101

There are a ton of controversial album covers out there. Some are sexual, some anger church and parent groups, and some are just plain nasty. The worst album covers are from death metal acts... Aside from those, and narrowing it down to 80's rock, here are a few:

Apparently blow job innuendo is bad, ...but what is the dog doing there? Maybe that's what the album title is really about.

Naked, burning Siamese twins? More shocking if it wasn't a sculpture.

You can't just go around drowning priests. Demon or not.

This cover was banned. Rape is an uncomfortable topic.

This cover was censored. The tongue evokes dirty, dirty thoughts.

Big wet boobs, covered or not, are dirty filthy no-nos. Actually, they're fine - this cover wasn't banned or censored... Bon Jovi hated the pink border. This was apparently before the advent of photo cropping technology.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Getting Married

So we all just found out Harrison Ford, Bruce Willis, and David Letterman were all just married. At first, the above image popped into my head... That's because I was reminded of this old Monty Python skit.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Sunday Song

Most everybody knows Mr. Big (and only know Mr. Big) from their 1991 hair-metal ballad "To Be With You," the last track on their second album "Lean Into It". ...but they're really misrepresented by that song. The self-titled debut album, and follow-up showcase one of the best rock guitar virtuosos of the era, Paul Gilbert. Most of the songs on both albums are fairly hard, fast, and heavy. Gilbert's incredible speed on the six strings is demonstrated well throughout. If his playing wasn't fast enough, the first track on "Lean It Into" is actually played with an electric drill. The third song on that album, "Green-Tinted Sixties Mind" is decidedly less-heavy, ..a kind of a melodic middle ground between the frenetic shredding and the popular closing ballad.

Download: Green-Tinted Sixties Mind

The album cover is an 1895 photo of the Granville-Paris Express accident at Le Gare Montparnass in Paris.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

States That Never Happened: Superior

Once again, concerns over a lack in attention from state government spurred a secessionist movement. The people of Michigan's Upper Peninsula (The U.P.) have been trying to secede as far back as 1897. "Superior" would be the name of this state. Marquette would be the largest city. (No, not that Marquette - the one you're thinking of is actually in Milwaukee) ...The movement gained momentum after 1957 when the Mackinac bridge opened, connecting the U.P. to Lower Michigan. That's also what hurt the statehood movement by strengthening commerce and relations.
Pronounced Mack-in-awe

The bridge made is easier for U.P. residents, affectionately known as “Yoopers,” to intermingle with southern “Trolls” (people who live “below the bridge”). Good or bad, depending on your point of view. The secessionist drive lives on today, as numerous grassroots organizations are trying to muster support for another official attempt at an independent U.P.
Typical Troll-like Michigander*

The combined populated of the two largest cities (Marquette and Sault Ste. Marie) is less than my homebase of Quincy, IL. But where "Superior" lacks in people, it makes up in trees. Lots of trees. Lots of hunting and pretty places that are very isolated. And lots of words pronounced different from how they look: Porcupine (Porky Pine) Mountains... Sault Ste. Marie (Sue Saint Marie)... Mackinac (see above)...

*Did you know: The origin of the term "Michigander" is attributed to Congressman Abraham Lincoln, from when he was ripping on the territorial Governor of Michigan in 1848.

Friday, March 20, 2009


I almost picked Western Kentucky to upset Illinois. Just like I almost picked LSU to win, but didn't. Of course, almost doesn't matter. Still not a bad first day of the tournament though.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

March Madness ™

It's time for March Madness™! ...Illinois invented the term.
So, if you write about it, please type ALT+0153 after any mention to get the registered trademark logo. If you say it, be sure to put a quarter in the jars placed throughout the country ...or just make your checks out the IHSA.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Shelby, North Carolina

Seen HBO's East Bound & Down yet? If not, you should. If so, you know how awesome it is. It's about Kenny Powers, former Major League pitcher, who after a short, spectacular, and ultimately disappointing career is forced to return to his hometown middle-school as a PE teacher.

Kenny Powers' hometown of Shelby, North Carolina is a real town. With a real Wikipedia page that can be hacked! Just in case it's taken down soon, I copied the "hacked" portion. I am assuming it was hacked anyway. Enjoy!

Warnings against visiting Shelby

As recent as February 2009 there have been reports of armed uprisings throughout rural portions of the area. These attacks have been credited to Erin McWhirter and her band of hillbilly brethren who, because of extreme distaste for the recent political climate in North Carolina and the United States at large have decided to take justice into their own greasy, oil stained, incest crippled hands. Its advised that visitors refrain from mentioning McWhirter at any time; she has a very large extended family due to repeated occurences of incest.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Irish? You Bet...

If you've never heard of Donegal, Ireland... it's the northern most part of Ireland that's not Northern Ireland. It's actually north of Northern Ireland. That's where the the Provine name first showed up. Originally a bunch of Huguenots named de Purviance, they fled France and settled there in the 1600's.

John Provine was the first generation with the name, son of William Purviance, who came over with a bunch of other Scotch-Irish immigrants in the mid 1700's... William was killed in an attack by an indian named Little Fawn in 1777. John Provine, a Revolutionary War soldier, was killed by a nasty kick from a horse in 1796. In John's last Will & Testament, dated 4 years and 1 day prior on Feb. 27th (my birthday) of 1792 ...he left of money/land/livestock - including a one eyed horse - to his kids, and negro named Sambo to his son William Provine. (Oh, well that's just great. Not politically incorrect at all.)

The Provine family migration route strongly resembles the migration route of the American Hillbilly - not only in geography, but chronology. This, according to The History Channel's "Hillbilly: The Real Story"... This has led me to the conclusion that my ancestors, once settling in from Ireland, either A) turned into Hillbillies.... or B) were being chased by Hillbillies.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Cool Photography

If you've never seen the work of Brian McCarty, check out his website McCarty Photoworks. If I were a photographer, this is what I would like to be doing. Great stuff.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Sunday Song

Tesla's 1991 album "Psychotic Supper" features an all-out epic 8 1/2 minute song called "Song & Emotion"... This was a tribute to friend of the band, and Def Leppard guitarist Steve Clark. Clark had died from a drug/alcohol overdose earlier that year. Telsa opened for Def Leppard on their Hysteria tour.

Saturday, March 14, 2009


The account I use to host all my free music at was suspended! No reason given. No notification. It's billed as a site where you can host mp3s for download, and what-not, who knows. So any music I have posted prior to today is unavailable. ...So what step do I take after that? Get a new account at the same place under the same same. What the hell?

I considered posting the amazing 6 1/2 minute opening title sequence Watchmen, but all the sites that did - they were issued cease-and-desist orders from Warner Brothers. So, I'm gonna not push my luck.

Also brought to my attention today, a review of the band I saw last weekend, Murder By Death. This is a great review by a much more capable scribe that myself... Check it out here.

Happy 20th Birthday, Internet

Friday was the 20th birthday of the World Wide Web. So I thought I'd ironically wait until the next day to post this. Actually, I just never got around to it. Last year I posted the news that CERN was going to destroy the world by recreating the big bang. Luckily we're still here ...but I had made mention in that post that CERN was the birthplace of the World Wide Web...

And this was the first picture ever posted online:
I know, right?! Also, the first "band" to have a web page on the internet. Like I said a year ago, had they known the historical value of what they were doing , maybe they would have picked out something a little better for the occasion. I would have went with this:
This might have been more appropriate as well...
Or maybe even this...
Well, it all worked out pretty well, along came porn, and now you're reading this. Wanna see the first video ever posted on YouTube? It was posted by the founder of YouTube in 2005, it's called "Me at the zoo."

And now, birthday wishes from across the world wide web. Using many the same people I used for random, made-up quotes when my blog turned 1 year old:

"Thanks for practicing your love on the internets."
U.S. President George W. Bush

"I would like to see more porn."
Tim Berners-Lee, Inventor of the Internet

"Happy birthday, son"
Al Gore, Alternate Timeline Former U.S. President

"Internets gave me the diabeetis. I hope you're happy."
Wilford Brimley.

"I don't know what a inter net is, or a blag, but I understand you will always be on it."
Mike, age 6

"More braaaaains..."
Zombie Lincoln


"Remember on 2004, when you told me that you'd vote for me ...for president? thanks for giving me the idea."
Barack Obama, President of the United States.


"I share a birthday with the internet... My daughter just loves the internet too."
Kathy Hilton, Socialite

Jason Voorhees, Birthday Boy

"So you say if you Google 'man on the street' ...I'm the first result that pops up? Still? Well I'll be."
Man on the Street.


"A lot of people still giving a lot of fake quotes here. And not even original. Am I the only one with any damn sense around here?"
Jesse Ventura, Former Minnesota Governor

Thursday, March 12, 2009


Heard about this at the concert I went too last weekend. The bass player for Murder By Death was very adamant that everyone see this. So I'm passing it along. The Lemmy documentary. It looks pretty kick ass. I remember the first time I saw Lemmy, when Motörhead appeared on an episode of The Young Ones. Blew my fragile little mind.


Wow. Not many people have seen the infamous mullet.
What a dork.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Is your mail boring?

Tired of the same ol' bills and junk mail? Last night I Googled "free stuff" and in 6 to 8 weeks, my mailbox should be the most happening place in town. Avoiding coupons, here's what I scored...

Missouri highway map, Iowa highway map, Louisiana highway map... Betty Crocker microwavable brownies... Tempur-Pedic memory foam pillow... Splenda Sweetener... Minute Maid Frozen Snacks (that was a coupon)... Country Bob's Steak Sauce... Roaring Lion Energy Drinks + Red Bull Energy Drink... Total Cranberry Crunch cereal... Quaker True Delights Granola Bar... Insulated Can Holder... Bottle Opener... Family size toilet paper... Lysol Power Toilet Cleaner With Bleach... Surf Laundry Detergent... Tide Total Care Laundry Detergent... Gain Laundry Detergent... Crest Whitening Strips... Frisco Rough Riders Baseball Cap... Compressed T-Shirt (just add water!)... Ruler... Pencil... Magic trick... Flashlight... Snorestop tabs... Mailing labels... Spanish Rosetta Stone Demo CD... Spray Bottle... Gas-X Thin Strips... KISS poster... Magnetic Fridge Clip... Personal lubricant(!)... Airborne cold relief... Christmas ornament... "Nothing But Hotties" 2009 calendar... Degree Deodorant... American Spirit Cigarettes...

Gonna give it another go in a couple days.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

The 7 1/2 Floor Orientation Video

Unfortunately it's all bullshit.

Court Charades

States That Never Happened: McDonald Territory

Not a actually state, an unauthorized, non-legal, non-recognized territory. The 540 square feet of McDonald County, making up the southwest corner of Missouri, was at a time - the McDonald Territory.

In 1961, the Missouri State Highway Commission (nowadays known as MoDOT) put out it's annual Family Vacationland brochure. They accidentally left out Noel, an important tourist hot spot in the extreme corner of the Show-Me State.

Local residents were super pissed! They felt disrespected. They drafted a resolution to secede from the state, they elected officers, and even made their own stamps. Of course they printed up tourist information. The tourist info was handed out to non-residents at border checkpoints by the new Territorial Militia (along with entry visas). Was it by gunpoint? I don't know, but I'll just say yes. Here's a blog about what you can find in McDonald County.

Hispanics are, in fact, welcome!

Monday, March 09, 2009